Tag Archive: porn


I have written previously about my “long” and tumultuous relationship with orgasms.  I’m revisiting the subject now because it looks like I’ll be

This is what orgasm always looks like, right?

teaching a mini-workshop on them—in particular, looking at what orgasms feel like to different people, and how we’ve been tricked by friends, peers, the media, and the majority of our culture into believing that we don’t know our bodies.

There are a surprising number of purportedly sex-positive articles written about women struggling with orgasm.  Unfortunately, a lot of them come to pretty unenlightening conclusions.

For instance:

I knew, in pretty non-negotiable terms, what orgasm was supposed to look and sound like; When Harry Met Sally taught me the basics of that vernacular long before anything more pornographic entered the equation. The telltale orgasm signs, that crescendo of gasping and thrashing, informed nothing about my own physical experiences, however. Like Sally, I could fake it in bed or over a turkey sandwich. I had the culmination memorized, but none of the process.

From the moment I started masturbating, I tried to figure out what orgasm was.  How it was supposed to feel, look, sound.  I was trying to match my experience of masturbation with the overzealous renderings of romantic comedies (and these articles!), where women writhed in pleasure, felt their toes curl, and moaned in a moment of ecstasy.   And I knew that was NOT happening for me.

Everything I’d heard about orgasm to that point in my life was that I would “know it when it happened.”  And when, even after this “sound advice,” I was still questioning, I decided I must not be orgasming.  I was frustrated and angry with my body for years.  I questioned myself, my technique, my internal structure, and my hormones; I talked to a sex therapist on the phone; I stole my mother’s vibrator to see if it made a difference (yes, mom, I admit it—she always knew).  But nothing helped because my problem was neither physical nor mental, per say.

Dangerous Lily sums it up perfectly here:

I faked orgasms because I didn’t know how to have one.

In fact, I don’t think I would have recognized an orgasm if it bit me in the face. And when I compare sensations and those little after-shock contractions now vs then….um yeah I actually did have orgasms. The contractions, and especially the twitchy minutes-long aftershock contractions, are never present for me if I didn’t orgasm…I don’t think though that I faked it modeling after what I saw on porn. I think I was mimicking him. His pleasure built and built and built and it was obvious and then….crescendo! angels! choirs! He was exhausted and delirious and right there was the proof positive of his orgasm, filling up the reservoir tip of our condom.

I was having orgasms.  But it wasn’t an orgasm like a man’s.  And it wasn’t like the ones I saw in movies or porn, the ones I’d come to expect as standard.  They were instead strange, slightly off orgasms that my body didn’t recognize or embrace.  They were a body learning what it liked and what it meant to move and feel in that way.  I still cum like this now when I’m extremely tired or if I’m on antibiotics that sap my sex drive.  But they were orgasms all the same.  I was just having a different type of orgasm– one I didn’t understand or feel coherently, because I had been brainwashed into thinking there is only one way to cum, and I would “know it when it happened.” But because I had never had orgasms explained in language that I could associate with my own experience, I didn’t understand them.  I assumed they just weren’t there.

I know now how many different ways our bodies can feel and interpret things.  I know that some women cum all the time, and for others, it’s a rare but earth-shattering occurrence.  I know that some women just feel giddy warmth, while others feel contractions all up their bodies.  Some feel electricity emanating from their core.  It’s this variety of experience and sensation that I love and find so exciting.  I want so much more conversation on what orgasms feel like to different women, so that people can realize that they’re not disfunctional/broken/anorgasmic, they just feel and process those sensations differently.

Side note: for those of you who don’t know, I’ve started working with the organization The Garden (thegardendc.com) and we’re going to start hosting sex toy and educational workshop parties at homes around DC.  If you are interested in hosting one, please comment here, or email me at Bianca@thegardendc.com to talk about setting it up!

Facials

embroidered pillow that says, "Just don't cum on my face"There are a lot of sexual practices that, on top of the shame and stigma that sometimes comes from just  being sexually active, have their own specific stigma attached to them.  One of them I want to talk about in depth today: facials.

 

Why facials?

 

For whatever reason, our society has heaped extra shame onto people that enjoy facials.  It is seen as particularly dirty and degrading.  Particularly problematic to the idea of female equality.  Particularly hurtful and uncomfortable and ugly.  Particularly awkward to talk about.

I would have never thought to write about facials (which, if you didn’t know, is the act of ejaculating on a partners face), because they are something I’ve never experienced and never really desire to experience.  I tended to side with dominant culture on this one, actually.  I thought facials were pretty gross, and yeah, kind of degrading.  At least I did, until I read this article from Jezebel.

The article starts by contextualizing facials as an aesthetic in porn that derived from the AIDS crisis of the mid-80’s:

“Cum on me, not in me” was a popular sex educator slogan as far back as the late 1980s. … [In porn], if the male actor came on her face, the viewer could see two things at once: evidence of male pleasure (symbolized by the ejaculation) and the equally important sign that a woman’s reaction to that pleasure mattered.With sex now so dangerous — and HIV particularly likely to be spread through semen — facials were relatively “safe.” But in the era of AIDS, they were also compelling visual evidence that a woman wasn’t threatened by a man’s semen. In that sense facials were, almost from the start, more about women’s acceptance of men’s bodies than about women’s degradation.

I think that’s a really powerful statement, and for one reason in particular.  The women’s movement has brought us really great rhetoric and dude with paint all over his face; white text "Clown Porn: Always Ending with a Facial!"performance pieces about loving our bodies and our womanhood, as evidenced by the popularity of “The Vagina Monologues” (also linked to in that article).  But there hasn’t been the same kind of affirmation for men’s physicality, and particularly for the subject of the penis.

I know a lot of feminists will get up in arms with me about this point, because the penis has been the symbol of power and manhood and all these valued ideas for so long, but aesthetically, I think there’s just as much neurosis and discomfort with the male genitalia as with the female.  Boys grow up worrying if they’re long enough or big enough, if their guy “looks funny,” and I would imagine, there’s some discomfort with the idea of semen too.  But unlike women, who are now finding spaces to affirm the beauty of their vulvas, most people still squick and say “ewwwww” when we talk about penises and balls.

So in a way, facials are that kind of radical acceptance for men that “The Vagina Monologues” was for women: a way of saying, yes, your junk is ok.  It’s nice enough that I will allow it on my face, a place of great dignity and respect.  That same argument tends to apply to oral sex as well.

I don’t think this argument stands to invalidate the power dynamics at play with facials.  There is definitely still a sense of possession or authority that can come into play when giving or receiving a facial.  A lot of people specifically use facials as a kind of humiliation play in D/s relationships, and I think that’s legitimate too.  But the point being, facials don’t inherently HAVE to be about power.  A receptive partner can like facials without liking to be degraded, and loving relationships (kinky and otherwise) can use facials for the pleasure of both partners if they can talk about it in a way that revolves around acceptance and love of each other’s bodies.

And that’s pretty awesome.

Stay cool, queer kids.

In Pursuit of Good Porn

For those of you who don’t want the down-and-dirty details of my sex life, you should probably skip this one.

Last night I was lonely and in search of a good wank, so I went to my trusty friend the internet and found a free bondage-themed porn clip to use as an aid.  The clip was provided by Tied Virgins, a site that proclaims “We take amazing beautiful girls and introduce them to Bondage! All so that we can fulfil all your kinky bondage desires.  Every New Tied Virgin is given a full bondage lesson. From simple ballgagging to full suspension bondage we leave no stone unturned for you. Bound, gagged and made to feel like true slaves, these girls are never the same again after a trip to Tied Virgins…”

I had some serious misgivings about this video from Tied Virgins, and as a consequence, my use of free porn in general.  In the video I found, a girl was tied, both hands above her head, one leg to a bedpost, and had a ballgag in her mouth.

Throughout the video, there were shots of her struggling to get out of her bonds and move away from the person who was using a vibrator on her.  This disturbed me, not so much for the content itself (I’m all for introducing more attractive women to rope bondage!) but for the lack of context provided to me about its production.  With both hands immobilized and her mouth gagged, it would be difficult for the actress to call off the scene if it truly became too intense for her.  While her struggling was probably choreographed to add to the aesthetics of the video (or perhaps were simply a natural element of the scene), there’s no way for me to know that for sure.  I don’t know anything about the company that made this film, except what I can glean from their personal website.  I don’t know how they treat their actresses, what kind of dynamics occur behind-scenes during the filming of these videos, or if any of the cast members are coerced or hurt by the company’s practices.

Of course, this can be the case with non-BDSM porn videos as well, but it is not as immediately evident that there is potential for abuse in filming them.  Now this is not a disavowal of porn as inherently abusive—in fact, far from it.  It is, however, an endorsement for a more critical approach to porn viewing.  I’m sure to most people, it seems indulgent to pay for the porn for you watch when so much of it is available free, but there are certain things that I can say with certainty about pay-for porn sites like Crash Pad Series, Burning Angel (Joanna Angel’s site), and Kink.com:

  1. They are fair and trustworthy porn producers
  2. They treat their actors and actresses with respect, and all scenes are consensual

I can’t promise that the free clips on Redtube and Pornhub are going to fulfill those requirements.  And while they may be free, and they may suite your tastes just fine, isn’t it worth seeking out non-exploitative work to perpetuate the things you enjoy?  I don’t buy products from Proctor and Gamble because they test on animals, so I’m not going to patronize porn sites that hurt their actors.  Maybe that doesn’t mean buying a subscription to a porn site, but it does mean looking around and doing some research.  There are plenty of bloggers who have the scoop on free sites that are equally ethical (I personally know that Kink.com puts up compilation videos on some of the major porn sites to drive traffic to their site and encourage subscriptions- I’m sure others do too).  So don’t sit around wondering if that actress was ok after you’ve satisfied yourself with an orgasm or two.  Find new sources for your pleasure that you KNOW treat their performers well.

And if you’re too lazy to do that?  Erotic literature is a sure-fire way to avoid exploitation all together.  There’s no shortage of that on the web, it’s free, and far more varied than most of the porn videos you’ll find anyway.

Sex Domains

Let’s put this under the list of “news items Bianca should have mentioned a long time ago:”  Icann, the non-profit company that controls the distribution of internet domain names gave final approval in March for the creation of a .xxx domain level, specifically for porn and adult content sites.  The BBC covered it briefly here.

Many people have hypothesized what the exact effects on viewership will be- whether it will increase or decrease the stigma of looking at porn, whether it will help direct site traffic more effectively or eventually become a mandatory stricture for porn producers to prevent minors from accidentally wandering onto adult sites (see also: Bianca’s incredibly awkward internet search landing her on “animalfriends.com” rather than the non-profit animal shelter at “animalfriends.org”).

Personally, I think it’s just exciting news for the provider who gets their hands on http://www.sex.xxx.  Very exciting, LUCRATIVE news.

Stay cool, queer kids.

PS: Sex toy reviews on the blog- yay or nay?  I’ve considered starting to post them in benefit to curious readers.  Is there interest?

Things We Learn From Porn

This, my darlings, is just a gem I pulled from tumblr.  By which I mean, something Autostraddle pulled from tumblr and put in their NSFW Sexy Sunday edition.

Things you learn from porn

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.

14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.

15. If there are two of them they “high five” each other. (and the girl isn’t disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don’t exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.

19. There’s a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses love to suck patients cocks.

22. Men always pull out and masturbate at the end.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before joining in and fucking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches… or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to keep reminding her to “suck it”.

26. Assholes are always clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don’t have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.

 

As the daughter of a nurse midwife and a pharmacist, you could say I live in a “medically privileged household.” My parents can treat burns, diagnose tonsillitis, prescribe antibiotics, and generally serve all medical needs short of major surgery.  But even in my modern, medically-knowledgeable family, there were giant holes in the information I received about sex, sexuality, and identity.  And despite my mother’s 25 years as a nurse-midwife, working tirelessly to help women understand their bodies and how to care for themselves, she was frustrated by her inability to help when I told her that sex was painful and unpleasant for me.  She referred me to a sex therapist, scheduled me an appointment at her old practice, the Midwife Center (which is one of the last accredited outposts of holistic health in the US), and did everything she could to help me.  Considering how progressive and proactive a stance my mother took still without result, you can only imagine how such a story unfolds elsewhere.

The problem for me, it turns out, wasn’t just physical- retroverted cervix aside…- it was also mental.  My pain derived both from internal mental pressure (to orgasm, to enjoy sex, to NOT BE SUPER AWKWARD- which failed **I will note that my mother DID address this!) and from a lack of sexual attraction to my partners.  Medical doctors and therapists had both asked me “Well, are you aroused?  Is entry painful? et. al., but they were unable to tease apart the psychological constructs of romantic attraction from sexual attraction.  Because, hell, I wanted to have sex- just…not with men, it seems.  Anyway, point being that the people I asked weren’t able to help me because they didn’t have the background in the mental and emotional aspects of sexuality and identity- they only have the medical.

One word I’ll toss around a lot in this article (and blog in general) is sex positivity.  Carnal Nation’s Carol Queen wrote a wonderful article, “Elements of Sex-Positivity,” on what exactly this means, but in essence, sex positivity is a lot like how it sounds: positive enforcement of safe, consensual exploration of sex.  Sex positivity is about open-mindedness.

Sex positivity means you acknowledge that sex is, or could be under the right circumstances, a positive, healthy force in anyone’s life… even if it isn’t right now. Those circumstances may not be the same for everyone (though some may be universal, like consent), but they include things like access to information, support, condoms (if relevant), a loving (or at least friendly) partner, healing from past negative sexual experiences like rape or abuse, privacy, enhanced self-esteem, etc.

Unfortunately, most doctors don’t get this lecture in med school.  They can tell us about STDs and how conception occurs; they can detail fetal development and diagram our anatomical anomalies, but they can’t explain the way our bodies react to things our minds find arousing.  Doctors are completely in the dark when it comes to our body-mind interaction and the complexities of gender and attraction.

Another fantastic Carnal Nation article gives A Sex Prescription for Doctors, because as it stands now, the medical profession is ill-equipped to handle the multitude of ways we think and feel about sex.

..There are about a jillion physicians who don’t know the first thing about sexual products, masturbation, the clitoris, what the foreskin would do for a man’s sexual pleasure if it weren’t removed by circumcision, what sexual effects hormone replacement therapy is likely to create in a menopausal woman (or the effects of hormones in a transgendered man), and all the other tens of thousands of sex or gender questions people might have for their physicians.

In terms of sexual behavior, teens and even adults have become their own teachers.  They have jumped into uncharted waters to explore because society has refused to give them real, comprehensive, sex-positive guidelines.  Can you imagine how a story like mine might have differed if our gynecologists, instead of asking if we were using birth control, started by asking if we were ENJOYING sex?  And god forbid, if we actually had the relationship with our medical care providers that a conversation as such would seem normal!

When I hit puberty, my PCP recommended an inane book akin to those used for middle school health classes- I was nearly in tears.  I couldn’t verbalize how insulting, how demeaning her suggestion felt to me.  It seemed as if she was telling me that I didn’t know my own body.  I’d had the lectures on hormones and secondary-sex characteristics.  I understood my body, but I had NO IDEA what to do with it.  And frankly, I don’t think my doctor knew either- if she did, she certainly wouldn’t tell me.

This going-in-blind model, created by a lack of health care provider knowledge and patient-doctor dialogue, instills constant guilt in teenagers- guilt they often carry into adulthood.  Now that’s hardly the model we want for a well-adjusted, sex-positive society!

And the story only gets worse as we begin to touch the tougher questions, those that approach before we become teens, before we begin to think for ourselves.  Issues of gender identity often arise as early as 3-4 yrs. old.  If a preschool boy insists on wearing dresses and playing with dolls, what will a doctor tell the parents to do?  Most, even in today’s relatively progressive society, will tell them to put him in overalls and take the dolls away.  They don’t have comprehensive training in these issues.  They simply know what seems normal or abnormal to their sociological paradigm, and that’s no basis for a medical or psychological decision at all.

The Edge DC wrote a piece recently called “When is Too Early to Change Genders?” which puts this struggle into perspective, especially considering the harassment, disrespect, and often familial disapproval that transgendered teens are subjected to.  On top of that, most health care providers have little, if any experience dealing with transgendered and/or transitioning kids, much less with gender non-conforming kids (outside of the gender binary completely) who may be feeling (but unable to express) states of being which English hasn’t even termed yet.  How can responsible caregivers diagnose and help kids and teens who understand their gender in a way science and medicine haven’t caught up with yet?

The only effort I’ve seen so far made towards rectifying these problems has been through the National Sex Forum and the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality’s SAR series.  SARs, or Sexual Attitude Restructuring program, is described by one of its leaders Amy Marsh as “an immersion course designed for sexologists and other helping professionals. The idea is to leave your comfort zone, discover your buttons, process all kinds of things you’d never thought you’d see or even hear about, and come out the other side with a better understanding of the really enormous range of human sexual behavior”

SARs run through the gamut of sex-related materials, from porn to erotic fiction to Good Morning America investigative specials.  Though amazing for their focus, the extent to which SARs cover issues of gender identity and expression however, is limited (probably because they’re two separate things, duh), and I don’t know of any professional organizations or workshops which do.  Of course, my knowledge in this area is, again, sorely lacking. I apologize to any trans readers out there- I suck at finding gender identity information.  Boo.

My mother, in talking to me about my blog, said “It’s crazy how your generation knows more about these issues than people who’ve been having sex for way longer.”  And that is both true and unfortunate.  Overall, despite the success and growing scale of SARs, the medical world (and society in general) still has a lot to learn if they want to help a new, younger, more open generation deal with their sexual and developmental health.

Hey queer kids,

So this blog done a bit of talking about porn explored various versions of expressing sexuality- including kink, BDSM, orgasms, and whatnot.  But I think a highly under-appreciated art form within the realm of sex and sexuality is erotic literature.

The term, made popular by the site Literotica.com, is exactly what it sounds like: literary erotic fiction.  People get fucked, but you hear about it like a story- sometimes poetic, sometimes fierce, guttural, and straightforward.    For people who are turned off by visual images like those in internet or video porn, literotica is a brilliant way to explore aspects of your own sexuality (and use your visual imagination!) in a stimulating way…

For those of you who don’t know where to start, here’s my brief catalogue of sites that might interest you.

Literotica.com– this site is HUGE and has stories updated constantly, but it is for the serious reader, because a lot of stories have multiple chapters, intertwining story lines, or just excessively long introductions.  If you are looking for a quick wank, this is not your site.  However, I have found a lot of the stories to both sexual and very intensely literary, ironic, funny, and engaging, the way a novel would be.   The biggest plus is that all the content is rated and really well-organized.  I suggest starting with the “Top Lists” and then moving into specific categories.

Cliterati.co.uk– this is very much a woman-friendly literotica site.  Most of the stories are written by women and often have women as their central point-of-view.  Major plus is that the stories are short but very well written.  Downside is that the site isn’t updated often, so if you are looking for new material, this is not your place.

Sugarbutch Chronicles- Sugarbutch is all about butch-femme dynamics.  It’s really more of an erotic blog written by a lesbian in a strongly gendered relationship with a lot of sub-dom interactions.  She often refers to herself as male or in masculine-gendered terms, so don’t let that throw you.  If you’re into power dynamics, strap-ons, and lots of lesbianism, this is the place for you.  It’s written fantastically well, but is of-course, a little pigeon-holed in terms of content.

Nifty Erotic Stories Archive and Sextails.com are both along the lines of Literotica: they have HUGE archives of user-generated stories.  The ranking system that literotica has is virtually non-existent, but the sites are well-maintained, well-organized, and there’s pretty much something for everyone.  These are probably the best two for Male-male erotic fiction.

Herotica- If you’re looking for the comfort of an old-fashioned paperback book, check out Herotica: A Collection of Women’s Erotic Fiction. Link will take you to Amazon which has used copies for a little as 1 cent plus shipping.  Seriously, do you need a better reason?  Herotica includes gay, straight, and poly interactions, but the focus of herotica is that “the woman cums” so most of the stories are written by women or with the woman in mind.

Check ’em out and let me know what your favorites are!

Stay queer, cool kids.

We’ve all heard the arguments against porn: it’s morally wrong, disgusting, degrading to women, it makes our men violent and prone to sexual assault, etc. etc. And in case you haven’t heard those arguments before (or if you want to review- that whole, know thine enemy thing), here they are again from Gail Dines, head of the Feminist Anti-Porn movement and author of Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality. http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/02/gail-dines-pornography

Dines makes a lot of fair arguments about porn.  There is a lot of sexually explicit media which makes us squick (essentially go “ewww gross!”) – for more on that, check out this hysterical article from Carnal Nation: http://carnalnation.com/content/51896/999/sex-squicks.

A lot of porn does show women in subservient, sometimes degrading situations.  Porn is getting more violent.  HOWEVER, that doesn’t make the medium categorically evil or disgusting.  It doesn’t necessarily make it unhealthy.

Here’s the biggest thing Dines misses: women like porn too.  In fact, 30% of all internet porn site visitors are women, which means upwards of 13 million women in the US alone are looking at porn online.  Theresa Flynt, Vice President of marketing for Hustler video, says that women account for 56 percent of business at her company’s video stores.

So we arrive at a conundrum: how can it be that such a terrible, dirty, degrading form of media draws this kind of mass appeal?  Are the 39 million plus people who view porn every year just sick, disgusting, unfixable people? I don’t know about you moral imperialists, but I’m gonna go with a big, fat, queer NO.

What I think too many people don’t realize about porn is its ability to fill a creative gap.  Porn does not by default replace “normal” sexual practices and desires (whatever constitutes normal in your book…).  It is a supplemental form of stimulation which can occupy the mental creative space which a partner might not wish to fill.  Or, of course, if you’re single, it offers an outlet involving a personal element- because, admit it, masturbating with a sock isn’t that mentally stimulating.

In other words, porn is safe.  Porn is professional people doing things that everyday people cannot or will not do, while offering an enjoyable voyeurism for those who cannot be actively involved.

Dines brings up legitimate points about unrealistic or negative expectations brought on by porn.  There are an awful lot of women who don’t enjoy their men cumming on their faces or tying them up and leaving them helpless.  But again, these are problems associated not with porn itself, but with a society unwilling to give the medium context.  Our American society is so frightened of open and honest discussion about sexuality with teenagers for fear of encouraging them to do something unwholesome.  Yet this is absolutely the most crucial topic to bring up among teens who are beginning to develop sexually and experiment.

If parents and teachers were able to have legitimate, open conversations about expectations for sex and the role of porn, the violence against and/or degradation of women in these videos can be seen for what they are: play.

While calling violence against women “play” may seem a cruel assessment, we must always keep in mind that the sexual

preferences and practices of others are not ours to judge, as long as they do not hurt others.  In porn, as in real relationships involving BDSM, the subservience and humiliation of a partner is completely consensual and thus, not damaging to either couple involved.  On the other hand, there are many couples out there who are uncomfortable with

incorporating BDSM into their own physical relationship, yet one partner may still strongly desire that element in their

play.  Thus, porn is a safe and positive solution to the conflict between potentially hurtful practices and personal sexual desires, as it is done in a professional and safe setting and removes unwilling parties (like reluctant couples) from anything which might be emotionally damaging for them to perform themselves.

When put in the context of comprehensive sex ed, there’s nothing inherently harmful about porn.  In fact, it can be helpful.  It allows people to explore their own desires without putting their bodies or emotions at risk.  It affirms the idea that there is a kink for everyone and all kinks deserve to be honored and respected (and in this case, commercialized!).

At least, that’s this queer girl’s argument.  What are your thoughts?

((Also- a preview of what’s to come: looking at writing about erotic fiction with some suggestions for ya’ll, especially queer-positive stuff, as well as trying to fit in a beautiful piece on what it means to be female- and to love a female, and eventually a post on rape/the “gray area.”  I am DESPERATELY in need of someone to write about reconciling religion with homosexuality, because I simply can’t do it.  Being a Taoist, I just haven’t gone through that struggle, and I want the issue addressed in the most authentic and relevant way.  In fact, I’d love multiple viewpoints.  Please comment or email me if you’d like to write something!))

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