Tag Archive: cool site


Linux Penguin Sex

Lolz.  Here guys- this one I unearthed from Autostraddle’s Not-Safe-For-Work Sunday.

I bring you… Gay Sex Position by Linux Penguins.

http://www.collegesexadvice.com/gay-sex.shtml

Also, lesbian sex positions with barbies. http://lovegirls.co.uk/articlecomments/90/Lesbian+Sex+Positions+For+Dummies/Lesbian Sex Positions

Enjoy, queer kids.

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ALAS THE LONG AWAITED COLLEGE ARTICLE AND BIANCA HAS TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS SHE’S SO EXCITED!!!

I’ve pretty much been waiting to write this article ever since I borrowed the book “The Gay and Lesbian Guide to College Life” from the library in the spring of senior year (ohhh, it’s Princeton Review- spiffy, right?). http://www.amazon.com/Lesbian-Guide-College-Admissions-Guides/dp/0375766235 Seriously, the link is here- you can get it used for $4.  Just do it.  Do keep in mind though that since it was published in 2007, some of the info is a little outdated.

Let’s start with the most obvious decision- which school do I want to go to?

If you are looking to find a school with a LGBT-friendly atmosphere, consider what kind of school you are looking for: religious, private, secular, and/or public school?

Not to generalize, but private, secular schools are often have the most LGBT-friendly populations.  There are many exceptions to this rule however.

  • American University- my school; full of awesome; private and considered secular, although it was founded by Methodists whose community is still very active on the campus (they are also incredibly LGBT friendly).  American is the prime example of a super gay-friendly private school.  We have an active, loud community, a well-staffed LGBT resource center, a bunch of queer programming from our student group Queers and Allies, and so on…
  • St. Vincent’s Academy- private, religious university (Catholic); St. Vincent’s is an example of a religious school that has embraced tolerance.  They have a loud and active LGBT and ally population (my friend once told me that when a speaker began spouting homophobic remarks at a St. Vincent’s event, ¼ of the audience actually stood up and left.  The monks at the school are very supportive of LGBT students, and I believe there is a GSA or similar group
  • Penn State- a huge, public, secular university.  Penn State is big enough that any minority is bound to find a niche for themselves.  Penn State has a huge resource center, lots of queer programming, and a generally accepting population.

So yes, there are some of every kind, but you have to look closely.  A good research tool is campusclimateindex.org, which has a “Gay checklist” for LGBT-related policies and resources of many major universities.   The Advocate published a similar guide a few years back, but I take issue with their nomination process and research methods.    Nonetheless, I can confirm a few of the schools on their “20 Best-of-the-Best” as having legitimately good LGBT climates.  My approval noted with an asterisk.

  • American University******  (YAY!!)
  • Duke University
  • Indiana University***** (ALSO YAY!)
  • New York University*****
  • Oberlin College
  • Ohio State University
  • Pennsylvania State University******
  • Princeton University * (with some hesitation- their resource center is fabulous, but upon my visit, info about the student population was ambiguous)
  • Stanford University
  • Tufts University
  • University of California-Berkeley
  • University of California-Los Angeles
  • University of California-Santa Cruz
  • University of Massachusetts-Amherst
  • University of Michigan
  • University of Minnesota-Twin Cities
  • University of Oregon
  • University of Pennsylvania******  (Bisexual communities have noted some discrimination, however)
  • University of Puget Sound
  • University of Southern California

Whether or not your potential school is LGBT friendly, consider the implications of the surrounding city. Bigger cities are more likely to have a resources and pro-LGBT populations, but they are also bigger hubs for hate crimes and extremism.  THERE ARE 2 SIDES TO EVERY COIN.  While Washington, DC is considered one of the most gay-friendly places in the country (next to NY and San Francisco), there was a violent LGBT student beating on the Georgetown campus only 10 minutes from where I live.  Keep this in mind.

On the positive side, big cities like LA, DC, New Orleans, Miami, San Fran, NY, etc. almost always have HUGE, beautiful PFLAG chapters (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays-http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2), Gay and Lesbian Community Centers, and counseling, health, and aid organizations designed specifically for your needs.

So once you’ve decided on a school, the real research begins.   One of the best things you can do is find out what program and resources are available for you at your school.

Like high school GSA’s, colleges have support programs too.  At American, we have the Rainbow Speakers Bureau, which allows LGBT students to give presentations in classrooms at dorm floor meetings about LGBT identity and issues.  We also have a group called Queers and Allies, although many schools have a similar student groups known as Spectrum or Pride. This site, http://www.glbtstudentpride.com/United%20States%20Colleges/unitedstates.htm has a GREAT database of student associates for most US colleges.  If you are going to a college that is known to be less LGBT friendly, I would highly recommend checking if there is a safe-space program, which trains students and faculty to be mediators and host “safe spaces” for students who are being bullied or harassed on campus.  http://www.equal.org/safespace.html This website explains the program in more detail.

The next big decision is How Out Do You Want To Be?

Are you telling your roommate, your friends, your teachers, your academic advisors?  Are you comfortable with getting into a relationship, with having a random hookup, with casually dating, with walking down the street holding hands and BEING GAY?  Are you ok going to LGBT events, and if so, will you need to pose as an ally, or will you be comfortable with the tacit assumption by attendees that you “might be gay?”  These are questions you DEFINITELY need to answer before heading off.

Part and parcel with this question is Where Do You Want To Live?

Some colleges offer gender neutral housing or queer-themed learning community floors. These can be especially useful for transgender or transitioning college kids, who need the privacy of an independent bathroom or appreciate the lack of pressure in gender-neutral showers and rooms.  Keep in mind that in religious institutions, this may not be an option.  A special note****- if you attend a school that segregates dorm floors or buildings by gender, find out if you will be allowed to house in a dorm that matches your gender identity- this will definitely require a special call (probably several) to the school.

Also, make sure that the gender on your ID does not cause problems.  Because most colleges (even progressive ones like Indiana and American U.) still identity students using a gender binary, it is important that the school knows if you are currently transitioning and what that means for your life on campus, including housing, advisor placement, and health center plans.  I wish I had resources for this and I HATE that I don’t, but I will keep you posted.  The Guide I recommended at the beginning of this post has a few fabulous chapters on trans issues and several websites- so CHECK IT OUT.

If you are living in a double or triple (as most 1st year students will), think about how you will negotiate questions of guest policies and girlfriends/boyfriends.  Hopefully, the issue of sexuality will not affect these, but its better to come in with EYES OPEN and make allowances for what makes your new roommate comfortable.

Like other students, you must consider What Will I Do About Medical Care?

For LGB students, this is less of an issue.  In addition to a student health center that will usually meet all your needs (including requests for a same or opposite-gender physician or nurse), there are lots of city clinics that offer sliding-scale payment options for LGB people and specific health issues.  For transgender and especially transitioning transsexuals, health questions are a lot more complex and tricky.  If you are getting hormone therapy, you absolutely need to figure out how those treatments will continue in your new city.  I highly recommend extending your college visits and looking for a primary care provider before committing to any university.  Even if you aren’t getting therapy, but are living transgendered, make sure to find a provider who understands your medical and psychological needs, because the last thing you want during the stress of finals week is a doctor telling you that “if you just dressed like a normal girl, this wouldn’t be a problem.”

And once you’re finally settled into your life, got your stuff unpacked, and start LIVING, you have to figure this one out: What Do I Want To Learn?

Well, obviously, if you’re reading this, you’re either a really good friend of mine, or you are already curious about sexuality studies.  If you play your cards right at university, you can often find classes that mesh with that interest.  A few select universities (but growing numbers!) offer a Queer Studies or Women and Gender Studies Major, which

focuses on the intersections of gender identity, sexuality, sexual development, and attraction across history and cultures.  It’s pretty cool.  But even if you don’t want to commit to this major, there are usually classes (mostly in anthropology and psychology disciplines) which have queer focuses.  And if you get lucky enough to have a gay

teacher, they’ll often slip some queer material into their lesson plans as applicable.  ((I had an amazing Lit. teacher,

Prof. Brideoake, who did a fantastic unit on Nella Larsen’s Passing while focusing some discussions on the sexual tension between the main characters Irene and Claire.  These references are very subtle and nuanced, and I would highly recommend the book!))

Finally, you have to ask yourself, How Politically-Active Do I Want To Be?

College campuses are often intensely political affairs.  There are organizations for every political agenda in the world, and you, as a student, have the opportunity to play a large part in them.  So do you want to be visibly involved in politics?  Want to march in the National Equality March?  Want to volunteer for phone banks to help fight anti-gay legislation?  These opportunities will probably be available to you, and if they aren’t, you have the opportunity (and often, if you look in the right places, the college funding) to create them!

TO SUM UP:

  • Find a college environment that fits you: city/rural, religious/secular
  • Check campusclimateindex.org to see the policies and resources available to you
  • Make medical and housing arrangements that suit your needs as an LGBT student
  • Take advantage of queer course offerings and political involvement opportunities
  • Get in on student groups and activities
    • American University recently hosted an S&M 101 workshop, which is great for LGBT teens and their straight friends alike!  Also, dialogue groups like the SpeakOUT program are amazing for discussing problems and ideas related to the LGBT community
    • Go out into the city!  Take advantage of the health clinics, clubs, social organizations, etc. that your new city offers
    • GET A NEW START.  New city, new friends, new staff, new life.  If you want it, you can try it here.

Good luck, queer kids!

Whether you are gay, straight, bi, queer, or anything around and in between, sex has been a subject discussed either in the forbidding whispers and giggles or the clinical dryness of the health classroom.  And that’s a shame.  Because neither forum offers a comprehensive understanding of the physical, psychological, and emotional aspects of sex.

For LGBT teens, it’s even worse.  Our assumptively hetero-normative society American society not only totally dis-empowers and vilifies our personal attractions, but refuses to talk openly about the versions of sex that they do find appropriate.  I remember in 8th grade, I attended a school-sponsored overnight aimed at getting girls ready for High School with lectures and workshops on sex, drugs, body image, and media distortion.  One of the workshops featured an analysis of advertisements, including one of Britney Spears leaning over a soapy car, talking up some brand of Chevrolet or motor oil.  Point being, the instructor happened to mention that this ad was not only talking about [insert inane commercial product here], but also advertising a perverse form of sex aka anal.  Even at 13 this pissed me off.  Who is she to decide what kind of sex is perverse or not?  And yet we encounter this all the time- from protesters holding up signs that condemn sodomy to parents who tell their children that their effeminate classmates are “not normal” and do nothing to stop the teasing they encounter.

So with all of these silent, strictly codified rules making us second-guess our emotions and attractions, what do we as ambitious, hormonal, insatiably curious teenagers do?  Well, first of all, we do everything and then deny it.  But more importantly, we create online communities, blogs, confessions into cyberspace detailing all the things society tells us we’ve “done wrong.”

25 Things About My Sexuality is one of the more brilliant blog concepts I’ve seen: it offers online submission forms for anyone that desires to submit often lengthy and detailed “confessions” about their early sexual experiences, partners, and fantasies.

I put confession in quotes because of the completely artificial societal construct that makes 25 Things writers “guilty.”  There is nothing these bloggers have done that an open mind couldn’t fix.  Or better yet, an open dialogue.

FORRRRR EXAMPLE: Today’s post was from a woman who had grown up in a Catholic family where her parents were not very affectionate towards each other in public, nor did they ever talk about sex or masturbation.  She writes: “My parents didn’t talk much about homos at home, but all I remember hearing from them was that they were somehow weird and that it was not desirable to be one. We didn’t talk about masturbation either, I only remember one time when they told me that sex is something a man and a woman do together because they love each other. For a long time I thought masturbation was only for perverts, and I didn’t really try it at all until I was about 15.”

Now, understandably, in Catholic households, masturbation is sometimes considered unnatural and wrong, but this same stigma exists in thousands of non-religious homes too, because the taboos of sex and self-love have completely overtaken society.

This blogger writes further: “A recent post really made me think about how a lot of the people who write here think they’re weird and not normal, but really there are LOTS and LOTS of people out there struggling with very similar stuff.”  So if we acknowledge that there are many people in the world feeling just as guilty and awkward about perfectly normal things, what’s a society to do?!?

Bianca’s prescription is two-fold.

  1. Parents, teachers, mentors, peers- freakin’ TALK.  I know it’s embarrassing and awkward to bring up sex and sexuality, especially across generational gaps, but it’s so important.  Open discussions about what we feel as sexual beings will help smash negative stereotypes and stigma, as well as passing on positive attitudes for children who will grow up respecting people of all orientations and practices.
    1. Sidenote: Unitarian Universalist Churches have started a wonderful sex ed program that addresses these issues brilliantly. I attended one of the classes for a panel on LGBT issues this past year and found the kids very mature and comfortable with themselves.  The program features everything from safe sex practices to masturbation techniques to discussions on homosexuality and gender non-conformity.  I highly suggest that anyone who has this course available to them use it!
    2. Other teens- stop judging.  The terms whore, slut, cougar, perv, fag, cougar, etc. do not belong in our societal vocabulary.  Everyone is entitled to their own variety of sexual practice and you have no right to make arbitrary distinctions about the quantity or quality of their partners, the content of their encounters, or their personal feelings and fantasies.  If you have negative personal opinions about a certain practice, consider if they are grounded in safety or health concerns.  If not, consider re-evaluating.  Whatever makes a person happy is fine, as long as it goes without hurting another person.  Your recriminations only perpetuates a sexual elitism- and one day, the shoe may be on the other foot.

If the concept of sexual privilege in society strikes your fancy, mediate on Gayle Rubin’s “Charmed Circle” from the book Thinking Sex.  http://interalia.org.pl/pozycje/1194044411-533/1.gif

Also, another example of a good “Confession blog” is Queer Secrets.  It’s styled after PostSecret (also a personal favorite, but with exclusively queer material).  WARNING: it is very depressing, as it focuses on people who are forced to remain closeted.

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